Dear Kids,
Mommy had her first full blown panic attack of 2012 just now. Honestly, I am still having it as I write this letter to you. It’s amazing how the world can come crashing down around you like a tidal wave. I originally set my alarm this morning for 6:15a. My goal was to type my notes from yesterday’s class, condense each class from this week, and outline Civil Procedure. Yes, mommy had lofty goals. Of course, I woke up around 8am instead. I brushed my teeth, put on my bathrobe, and began thinking of my day. K’s dance classes 10:30-12:15, A’s basketball practice 9:30-11:00 (hubby is taking that on), followed by boyscouts at 2:30 for A, and culminating in a baby shower at 8:30p (don’t ask). Notice I have not mentioned the mountain of reading, condensing, and studying I so knew I would do between yesterday and today. Of course I would be remiss to forget preparing for children’s ministry tomorrow. My lessons won’t write themselves.
So, knowing I had all these things, I decided to also do some laundry (mommy loves torture). I had to fold the clothes that have been in the laundry basket since Thursday, and take the clothes out of the dryer from Thursday. In addition, I realized I should lay out A’s boyscout uniform. Oh great, I cannot find his book. After losing my mind, I lost it on everybody. Everyone is lazy, and I am breaking down. The correct order is: I am breaking down, and chose to shout that everyone is lazy. My apologies for that. Mommy is losing it.
Once A and hubby left, I went in my closet (found the boyscout hat), and began to cry. I am totally helpless. At that moment, I realized I cannot do it alone. I need God’s guidance every second of everyday. I teach children every week to rely on him, and I had the audacity to put the burden of school, life, kids, marriage, household, job search, and sanity on my own shoulders. I went in the bathroom began to cry again, and fell on my knees. I did what I should do everyday; I asked God to help me because I cannot do it alone. Yes, I “Tebowed,” and I loved it!
Now that I am done writing, and after my prayer, I feel so much better. I love you both, and I know I can be hard on you. I really, truly want you to be as self-sufficient as possible without the “taking care of everybody” sickness that I have. I am a work in progress, and I know I will break down again. I also know that as long as I have you two and God, I can weather any tidal wave that comes my way.
Love,
Mom
Mom. Wife. Lawyer. 