Mom. Wife. Lawyer.

My husband is an amazing man.  As assertive and aggressive he is with most people, he is so gentle and nurturing to our children.  Neither of my children are die-hard athletes.  My son plays on his school basketball team, and has tried his hand at football.  My daughter played soccer, basketball, and loves dance, but both of them are quiet homebodies, who love the computer.  Recently however, in the haze of world cup fever, my son has taken a liking to soccer.  He went to a birthday party recently, and played a pick up soccer game with some of the children.  He was so proud of himself when he realized he was pretty good at it.  I wasn’t surprised considering he is a dancer.

This is cool because my husband is an immigrant who grew up playing soccer.  Although he loves to play, he hasn’t in a while do to life, work, and no one to play with him.  My son played soccer in a local league when he was 4, and hated it. My husband never pushed, instead he let my son decide the activities he likes.  The result?  My son plays 3 instruments, is on a competition dance team, and plays on his school basketball team.  He gets good grades in school, and is even a peer mediator.  

Last week however, my son came to me and asked me to buy him a soccer ball.  Everyday since, he wants my husband to play with him when he comes home from work.  I know for a fact, my husband loves it because as tired as he is, if he knows my son wants to play, he goes outside in a flash.  I could watch them play all day, because even if this love of soccer is fleeting for my son, I know that right now my two men are spending quality time together, and in these moments, my husband can teach my son how to have fun, and in between kicks and head bunts, even become a man.

I know this sounds crazy, but I figured that since I have been absent from this blog for quite some time, I should begin writing about the next phase of my life.  

I have decided to begin my bar prep process now.  Yes, normally people begin about 2 months prior to the bar exam, but I know that my situation is different.  After much research and discussion with professors, advisors and mentors, I realize that the level of focus required to pass the bar exam will be immense.  Given that, I need to make sure I do smaller bites sooner so that I can maintain some part of my life.  

Right now, I am deciding classes to take in my final semester.  Since I will begin bar prep early, I have to consider taking fewer classes so that I am not overwhelmed and can devote time to bar prep.

Also, there is the other bar-related items to consider:  where will I take the exam, booking a hotel near the exam site, having “the talk” with close friends and family about my growing absence, and how will I finance this endeavor.

For now, 8 months ahead of the exam, I am going to set some of these things in order, and start doing something each week toward setting my life in order.

Stay tuned

I am a feminist.  I believe wholeheartedly that I can be and have it all.

I recall years ago when my husband went to his reunion at Columbia.  I went with him to one of the events.  All the wives were huddled around each other, while the husbands talked about old times.  Being the Barnard woman I am, I tried to interject with the guys where I could.  This took place until one of the wives asked a question I dreaded.  She asked, “So what do you do for a living?”

I always hated that question because I didn’t feel comfortable saying, “Me?  Oh I am a stay at home mom.”  OK, you at home mothers by choice.  I know it is the 21st century, and women can have any career they want, bear children, and still walk away from “It all” whenever they choose to.  I was still young, and not quite sure what I wanted out of life.  I felt I spent my seven sister education on nothing.  I didn’t realize, it was in the trenches of diapars and baby babble, where Wonder Woman was being born.

Fast forward years later.  I have 2 beautiful children, a husband, and a rising career.   I have had the opportunity to start businesses, work for major corporations, and walked away from each company with the expectation that I was going to experience something great.  I have it all just like Wonder Woman, and I intend to use my golden lasso, fly my invisible jet, and save many children from a voiceless existence through the courtroom.  Oh, and I am going to be a darn good mother too.

See, I am a feminist, and proud of it.

Isn’t it interesting how we are not as afraid of familiar experiences as we are of new ones?  As I embark on my second year of law school, I am reminded that although I have been down this road once before, I should not discount the road I have ahead.  Not only do I now have classes, I also have student organizations, journal, projects, and an internship.  I am so familiar with school now, I have convinced myself I can pile on additional activities.  As I write this, I should be reading for a class, or preparing for an event.  This won’t happen however because my lovely oh so wonderful husband has decided to remodel my son and nephew’s bedroom (this should be interesting).

Another interesting addition is that I will gain a teenager on this Wednesday.  My 15 year old sister-in-law after many years is coming to the U.S.   We won the teenager occupant lottery.  I am both excited and a little scared.  I know what I was like as a teenager, and it wasn’t pretty.  Hubby is convinced she will be different because she is coming from Jamaica, and she had a different upbringing.  I am laughing as I write this, because he really has no idea.  The teenage girl is a species unknown to even the older version (grown woman).  They pout, whine, yell, are emotional, yell, act out, and yell.

Lastly, we are getting my daughter a dog (yes-I am absolutely a glutton for punishment).  She has begged so much, that when we said she could get one for her birthday last year, I think we believed her birthday would never come.  I shake my head at our blind stupidity.  What on God’s green earth will we do with a dog, 3 kids, 3 adults, and a teenager.  Not to mention one of the adults has chosen to spend 15 hours of her day outside of the house (I am thinking that is a smart move).  If by some chance I survive the next few weeks, I will definitely give you a rundown.  In the meantime, I have a date with Constitutional Law.  Wish me luck and hopefully there will not be too much yelling!!

Readers:

It has been a while since my last post.  To bring you up to speed, as a law student I completed my first year of law school.  I did OK considering my other responsibilities.  Also, I am starting the last week of my summer internship at this agency that represent Children in custody proceedings.  The experience has been top notch, so much so I want continue working there.  I cannot however, because I made a commitment to another organization for the fall semester.

Also, I was selected for a Journal at my law school.  This was by far a huge achievement, one I do not take lightly.  

Finally, my children and husband went on a trip. Below is my entry regarding that.  Enjoy!

Kids,

So you guys have been in Jamaica, WI with Dad, Grandma, an Aunt, Uncles, and a Cousin.  I unfortunately had to stay behind because of my internship.  This turned out to be a problem for K.  Several times you called me crying because you miss me.  I have to say I am moved to tears.  You totally shocked me this past week.  Usually you prefer daddy to me, and although there have been times I wished you would cry for me, I don’t like the reality of that.

Although you love Jamaica, you want mommy there too, which makes sense.  A family should go away together.  What is funny is that your brother has not once expressed he misses me.  Daddy didn’t either.  I’m sorry you feel alone in your emotion, which I think is part of the problem.  What I can tell you, is you are not alone.  I miss you too, and love you dearly.

Love,

Mom

Kids,

I am probably so tired right now that I am totally awake.  I think I slept nearly 3 hours last night.  What is worse, my appellate brief scares the crap out of me (yes, I said crap).   To add even more insult to injury, tomorrow I have 3 classes and I have not read for one of them (it is now 8pm-thank God my children are home so I do no have to look for them).  Anyway, I have been doing my best to maintain everything in my life:  school, kids, church, life.  Kids, mom has been dropping every single ball.  

Although I usually want to sing Kumba Yah (forgive the spelling), right now, I am just simply stretched and overwhelmed.  The lesson in this is to do your best to plan out not just your life, but your happiness.  I know that sounds silly, but you have to make sure you are happy at every stage in your life.  Sometimes that will seem impossible, but I promise you it is not.  As you go through your life, make sure you make decisions for you, and not to please others.  That will seem crazy while you are living home, but I assure you it is possible even when mommy or daddy tell you to do something you don’t want to do.  The key is to be happy overall.

As I go through the next stage of my life, I have accepted the fact that I can and am absolutely happy.  I have a family who loves me, and I am working toward a dream of mine.

OK, enough rambling.  What I need to do is figure out where I left my phone.

Love,

Mom

Dear K,

I have to start off by saying you are by far the funniest child ever.  Since Dad and A had another engagement, it is just you and me home this evening.  As I am writing this, you are doing my hair (No, I will not provide a picture).  My time home started out a little rocky.  I was very snippy, and a little tired.  Of course, as I write this, I have a motion due tomorrow, and tons of reading.  None of that matters though, because right now, It is mommy and daughter time.  Auntie, who lives downstairs was relaxing until she had to take cousin E to practice.  You being the serious animator, began trying on her shoes.  The best part was when you tried to trade your black boots for hers.  Except for the fact that you wear a size 1, and she wears a 7, you may have been successful.  After shoe shopping, you decided you wanted to do my hair.  You will soon realize that doing a nappy black woman’s natural hair is a feat like no other.

The best part is that as you began doing my hair, you asked me, “Mommy, how was school today?”  I nearly cried, but instead chuckled with a, “Good, how was your day at school?”  That exchange was a classic line I will never forget.  For a minute you were the concerned mom tending to her daughter, and I was the kid.

Don’t worry, that will only happen once in a lifetime, or at least once until I am 80.

Love you a lot,

Mom

Dear Kids,

Mommy had her first full blown panic attack of 2012 just now.  Honestly, I am still having it as I write this letter to you.  It’s amazing how the world can come crashing down around you like a tidal wave.  I originally set my alarm this morning for 6:15a.  My goal was to type my notes from yesterday’s class, condense each class from this week, and outline Civil Procedure.  Yes, mommy had lofty goals.  Of course, I woke up around 8am instead.  I brushed my teeth, put on my bathrobe, and began thinking of my day.  K’s dance classes 10:30-12:15, A’s basketball practice 9:30-11:00 (hubby is taking that on), followed by boyscouts at 2:30 for A, and culminating in a baby shower at 8:30p (don’t ask).  Notice I have not mentioned the mountain of reading, condensing, and studying I so knew I would do between yesterday and today.  Of course I would be remiss to forget preparing for children’s ministry tomorrow.  My lessons won’t write themselves.

So, knowing I had all these things, I decided to also do some laundry (mommy loves torture).  I had to fold the clothes that have been in the laundry basket since Thursday, and take the clothes out of the dryer from Thursday.  In addition, I realized I should lay out A’s boyscout uniform.  Oh great, I cannot find his book.  After losing my mind, I lost it on everybody.  Everyone is lazy, and I am breaking down.  The correct order is:  I am breaking down, and chose to shout that everyone is lazy.  My apologies for that.  Mommy is losing it.

Once A and hubby left, I went in my closet (found the boyscout hat), and began to cry.  I am totally helpless.  At that moment, I realized I cannot do it alone.  I need God’s guidance every second of everyday.  I teach children every week to rely on him, and I had the audacity to put the burden of school, life, kids, marriage, household, job search, and sanity on my own shoulders.  I went in the bathroom began to cry again, and fell on my knees.  I did what I should do everyday; I asked God to help me because I cannot do it alone.  Yes, I “Tebowed,” and I loved it!

Now that I am done writing, and after my prayer, I feel so much better.  I love you both, and I know I can be hard on you.  I really, truly want you to be as self-sufficient as possible without the “taking care of everybody” sickness that I have.  I am a work in progress, and I know I will break down again.  I also know that as long as I have you two and God, I can weather any tidal wave that comes my way.

Love,

Mom