Monthly Archives: January 2012

Dear K,

I have to start off by saying you are by far the funniest child ever.  Since Dad and A had another engagement, it is just you and me home this evening.  As I am writing this, you are doing my hair (No, I will not provide a picture).  My time home started out a little rocky.  I was very snippy, and a little tired.  Of course, as I write this, I have a motion due tomorrow, and tons of reading.  None of that matters though, because right now, It is mommy and daughter time.  Auntie, who lives downstairs was relaxing until she had to take cousin E to practice.  You being the serious animator, began trying on her shoes.  The best part was when you tried to trade your black boots for hers.  Except for the fact that you wear a size 1, and she wears a 7, you may have been successful.  After shoe shopping, you decided you wanted to do my hair.  You will soon realize that doing a nappy black woman’s natural hair is a feat like no other.

The best part is that as you began doing my hair, you asked me, “Mommy, how was school today?”  I nearly cried, but instead chuckled with a, “Good, how was your day at school?”  That exchange was a classic line I will never forget.  For a minute you were the concerned mom tending to her daughter, and I was the kid.

Don’t worry, that will only happen once in a lifetime, or at least once until I am 80.

Love you a lot,

Mom

Dear Kids,

Mommy had her first full blown panic attack of 2012 just now.  Honestly, I am still having it as I write this letter to you.  It’s amazing how the world can come crashing down around you like a tidal wave.  I originally set my alarm this morning for 6:15a.  My goal was to type my notes from yesterday’s class, condense each class from this week, and outline Civil Procedure.  Yes, mommy had lofty goals.  Of course, I woke up around 8am instead.  I brushed my teeth, put on my bathrobe, and began thinking of my day.  K’s dance classes 10:30-12:15, A’s basketball practice 9:30-11:00 (hubby is taking that on), followed by boyscouts at 2:30 for A, and culminating in a baby shower at 8:30p (don’t ask).  Notice I have not mentioned the mountain of reading, condensing, and studying I so knew I would do between yesterday and today.  Of course I would be remiss to forget preparing for children’s ministry tomorrow.  My lessons won’t write themselves.

So, knowing I had all these things, I decided to also do some laundry (mommy loves torture).  I had to fold the clothes that have been in the laundry basket since Thursday, and take the clothes out of the dryer from Thursday.  In addition, I realized I should lay out A’s boyscout uniform.  Oh great, I cannot find his book.  After losing my mind, I lost it on everybody.  Everyone is lazy, and I am breaking down.  The correct order is:  I am breaking down, and chose to shout that everyone is lazy.  My apologies for that.  Mommy is losing it.

Once A and hubby left, I went in my closet (found the boyscout hat), and began to cry.  I am totally helpless.  At that moment, I realized I cannot do it alone.  I need God’s guidance every second of everyday.  I teach children every week to rely on him, and I had the audacity to put the burden of school, life, kids, marriage, household, job search, and sanity on my own shoulders.  I went in the bathroom began to cry again, and fell on my knees.  I did what I should do everyday; I asked God to help me because I cannot do it alone.  Yes, I “Tebowed,” and I loved it!

Now that I am done writing, and after my prayer, I feel so much better.  I love you both, and I know I can be hard on you.  I really, truly want you to be as self-sufficient as possible without the “taking care of everybody” sickness that I have.  I am a work in progress, and I know I will break down again.  I also know that as long as I have you two and God, I can weather any tidal wave that comes my way.

Love,

Mom

Dear Kids,

So today was another crazy day.  Thursdays are not so bad from a Law School perspective, but both of you have activities.  I love that, but hate it at the same time.  Although I made the decision to attend law school, I cannot allow you to not participate in any activities because I cannot pick you up.  I could send you to after care, but that would cost me $30 each day (I am too cheap for that if I don’t have to be).  The fact is, I love running around, picking up and dropping off.  5 years ago when I chose to return to work, I longed for the time when you both had playdates, and school clubs.  I know postpartum depression (I will teach you guys what that means when the time is right) led me to return to work, and although I love having a career, I ponder what life would be like if I was home everyday waiting for both of you to come home from school.

Your dad never once questioned my decision to work 5 years ago, even if it was hairbrained on so many levels.  He has always been good at letting me figure things out.  I have to say, I have often believed that deciding to return to work when you were a baby K, contributed to a lot of your struggles now.  Of course had I not returned to work, I most likely would not have reclaimed my goal of law school, and without your struggle K, I would not have found my purpose. I know that I am super busy right now, but I have vowed to make sure your growth is always first.  I pray I can balance between school and you guys, and still excel.   If I can’t and I have to choose, I know who wins.  It will always be you.

Love you both a bunch,

Mom

Dear Kids,

So, today was the official first day of classes.  It was rather scary.  I rose my hand and answered incorrectly in Civ Pro.  No biggie, I am over it now, but it stung when it happened.  I am still running on the pangs of inadequacy.  I know, mom is usually confidant, and telling you that you can do anything. I totally believe that, and even though I am less of an optimist than your dad, I know for a fact that whatever you want to do (barring illegal activities, or activity that will mortally hurt someone), all you need is a little preparation and a big kick in the but.  

Love you guys,

Mikila

So, I am back in Law school.  Spring semester.  Today is the first official day of classes.  I was reading for one of my classes late last night, and had a random thought about something my son needed for school.  I emailed some friends about my randomness, and one suggested I continue to write a blog about my law school experience as a mom.  My time has been nonexistent, but I thought it would be cool to write a letter to my kids as my posts, so that they can practice their reading, while seeing how mommy is coping with this school thing.  Here goes letter 1:

Kids,

First of all, thanks for taking this journey with me.  I know you did not have a vote, but your support and cheers mean so much to me.  I apologize for last semester.  I am happy I had the opportunity to experience new school jitters with you both.  The fact that all 3 of us were the new kids made me much more empathetic to the bumps in the rode.  I also think I knew what types of questions to ask you, and which ones to table until later.

Just to let you in on mommy’s crazy day, yesterday I had my first writing class.  My professor (teacher) is really awesome.  We were learning about how to persuade the court to side with our client.  We cannot lie, so we have to take the facts and use them to our advantage.  My professor gave us milk and cookies, and read the 3 little pigs (from the wolf’s perspective), and we talked about cinderella’s evil stepmother, and even santa claus.  I know what you are thinking K, it’s just like your class.  It was sort of.  You were the first person I thought about.

Well, that is it for now.  I still have to prepare for my morning class.  I hope you guys are enjoying school.  Thanks again for being the best kids ever.

Mom.